Blogger Barry: I enjoyed these – Hope you do as well.
As I hurtled through space, one thought kept crossing my mind –
every part of this rocket was supplied by the lowest bidder. John
When the white missionaries came to Africa they had the Bible and
we had the land. They said ‘Let us pray.’ We closed our eyes. When
we opened them we had the Bible and they had the land. Desmond Tutu
America is the only country where a significant proportion of the
population believes professional wrestling is real but the moon
landing was faked. David Letterman
I’m not a paranoid, deranged millionaire. God dammit, I’m a
billionaire. Howard Hughes
Men are like linoleum floors. Lay ’em right and you can walk all
over them for thirty years. Betsy Salkind
The only reason they say ‘Women and children first’ is to test the
strength of the lifeboats. Jean Kerr
I’ve been married to a communist and a fascist, and neither would
take out the garbage. Zsa Zsa Gabor
You know you’re a redneck if your home has wheels and your car
doesn’t. Jeff Foxworthy
When a man opens a car door for his wife, it’s either a new car or
a new wife. Prince Philip
A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at
kickboxing. Emo Philips.
Wood burns faster when you have to cut and chop it yourself.
The best cure for sea sickness, is to sit under a tree. Spike
Lawyers believe a man is innocent until proven broke. Robin Hall
Kill one man and you’re a murderer, kill a million and you’re a
conqueror. Jean Rostand.
Having more money doesn’t make you happier. I have 50 million
dollars but I’m just as happy as when I had 48 million. Arnold
We are here on earth to do good unto others. What the others are
here for, I have no idea. WH Auden
In hotel rooms I worry. I can’t be the only guy who sits on the
furniture naked. Jonathan Katz
If life were fair, Elvis would still be alive today and all the
impersonators would be dead. Johnny Carson
I don’t believe in astrology. I am a Sagittarius and we’re very
sceptical. Warren Tantum
Hollywood must be the only place on earth where you can be fired by
a man wearing a Hawaiian shirt and a baseball cap. Steve Martin
Home cooking. Where many a man thinks his wife is. Jimmy Durante
The first piece of luggage on the carousel never belongs to anyone.
If God had intended us to fly he would have made it easier to get
to the airport. Jonathan Winters
I have kleptomania, but when it gets bad, I take something for it.
Blogger Barry: Thanks for your time. Hope you enjoyed. Please
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Barry Blomkamp Nd. Bsc (UL)
Professional Public Speaker, Trainer and Corporate Entertainer,
Motivational speaker, Guest & Key note speaker, Seminar &
Conference speaker, Team Builder, Comedian, Master of Ceremonies,
For your Strategic Planning sessions, Management or Sales meetings,
Conferences and/or Seminars, Award functions, Year end parties,
Cape Town, South Africa.