1. A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, “I’ll serve
you, but don’t start anything.”
2. Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a salted.
3. A dyslexic man walked into a bra.
4. A man walks into a bar with a slab of tar under his arm, and
says: “A beer please, and one for the road.”
5. Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: “Does
this taste funny to you?”
6. “Doc, I can’t stop singing The Green, Green Grass of Home.”
“That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome.”
“Is it common?”
“Well, It’s Not Unusual.”
7. Two cows are standing next to each other in a field.
Daisy says to Dolly, “I was artificially inseminated this
“I don’t believe you,” says Dolly.
“It’s true, exclaims Daisy. no bull!”
8. An invisible man marries an invisible woman.
The kids were nothing to look at either.
9. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day,
but I couldn’t find any.
10. A man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident.
He shouted, “Doctor, doctor, I can’t feel my legs!”
The doctor replied,”I know, I amputated your arms!”
11. I went to a seafood disco last week… and pulled a mussel.
12. Two fish swim into a concrete wall.
The one turns to the other and says, “Dam!”
13. Two men sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in
Not surprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can’t have
your kayak and heat it, too.
14. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel, and were
standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories.
After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked
them to disperse.
“But why,” they asked, as they moved off.
“Because,” he said. “I can’t stand chess-nuts boasting in an open
15. A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them
goes to a family in Egypt , and is named ‘Ahmal.’ The other goes to
a family in Spain; they name him ‘Juan.’ Years later, Juan sends a
picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture,
she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of
Ahmal. Her husband responds: “They’re twins! If you’ve seen Juan,
you’ve seen Ahmal.”
16. and finally; Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most
of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his
feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with
his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him (oh, man,
this is so bad, it’s good)… a super-calloused fragile mystic
hexed by halitosis.
Blogger Barry: Thanks for your time. Hope you enjoyed. Please
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Barry Blomkamp Nd. Bsc (UL)
Professional Public Speaker, Trainer and Corporate Entertainer,
Motivational speaker, Guest & Key note speaker, Seminar &
Conference speaker, Team Builder, Comedian, Master of Ceremonies,
For your Strategic Planning sessions, Management or Sales meetings,
Conferences and/or Seminars, Award functions, Year end parties,
Cape Town, South Africa.