* I changed my car hooter to gunshot sounds. People get out of
the way much faster now.
* Gone are the days when girls used to cook like their mothers.
Now they drink like their fathers.
* You know that tingly little feeling you get when you really
like someone? That’s common sense leaving your body.
* I didn’t make it to the gym today. That makes five years in
* I decided to change calling the bathroom the John and renamed
it the Jim. I feel so much better saying I went to the Jim this
* Old age is coming at a really bad time.
* When I was a child I thought Nap Time was a punishment.
Now, as a grownup, it feels like a small holiday.
* The biggest lie I tell myself is”I don’t need to write that
down, I’ll remember it.”
* I don’t have gray hair; I have “wisdom highlights.” I’m just
* Teach your daughter how to shoot, because a restraining order
is just a piece of paper.
* If God wanted me to touch my toes, He would’ve put them on my
* Last year I joined a support group for procrastinators. We
haven’t met yet.
* Why do I have to press one for English when you’re just going
to transfer me to someone I can’t understand anyway?
* Of course I talk to myself; sometimes I need expert advice.
* At my age “Getting lucky” means walking into a room and
remembering what I came in there for.
Blogger Barry: Thanks for your time. Hope you enjoyed. Please
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Barry Blomkamp Nd. Bsc (UL)
Professional Public Speaker, Trainer and Corporate Entertainer,
Motivational speaker, Guest & Key note speaker, Seminar &
Conference speaker, Team Builder, Comedian, Master of Ceremonies,
For your Strategic Planning sessions, Management or Sales meetings,
Conferences and/or Seminars, Award functions, Year end parties,
Cape Town, South Africa.